Life | Relationships

Life – It’s Short

By on February 24, 2018
life is short

Life is short, fragile and is balanced on a knife-edge.

Life is short, it is fragile and fleeting.  Nothing brought this home to me more than the death of a friend last week.  She was not an old woman.  I had seen her 2 weeks prior to her death where a group of us enjoyed a slap up meal in the local Indian Restaurant and had a really good time, then suddenly she just…stopped.

We all say it constantly, ‘life is short’, but never seem to do anything about it.  Sometimes you really do need a kick up the proverbial to really ram home the truth of the matter: On average our lifespans may be on the rise but that is no guarantee that you personally are going to live to a ripe old age.  You need to live right now.

How often do we go through one of these awful situations and then go back into our ruts and the drudge of day to day life?  Stay stuck in a job that doesn’t value you, where you are treated badly?  Or in a relationship about which you could easily say the same?  We stay on our rails and follow the same old sequence of events because, why?  Maybe fear of change but also because it is easy.  You might be bored rigid but hey, it is easier to just stay in a job you can do with your eyes shut than it is to make the effort to find and learn a new role.  You might feel undervalued or even abused by a partner on multiple levels, but change is scary, and it is often so hard to get the help you need, you stay put, the years drift by and so it goes on.

How many of us try and try for a partner who shows us no appreciation or value?  How many of us knock ourselves out for a job where you know full well your employer would replace you within 24 hours if you dropped dead tomorrow?  Is it really worth it?  We all need money to live and we need to work to get the money – but we need to start working to live instead of the other way around and focus on our personal relationships with others – the ones that make us happy!

At the beginning of this year, I promised myself that 2018 would be the year when I would work less, travel more and spend really high-quality time with those closest to me and who I care about deeply.  I planned to remove as many negatives as I can…so far I have pretty much failed.  My friend passing really has given me a kick up the arse – and I am going to make changes.

People who know me ‘in real life’ will be aware that I never sugar-coat the dead; we are all just people, good and bad, and this doesn’t change when we pass, but this woman really was exceptional and when I say she was one of the nicest and most genuine people I have been fortunate enough to meet, I actually mean that.  We knew each other I guess for just over a decade, we were never exceptionally close but she is going to leave a huge gap in our little group, in my life and the world will be poorer without her in it.

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Poetry

Invisible Woman (Poetry)

By on February 3, 2018
Invisible Woman

The Invisible Woman

 

I am an invisible woman.

Age makes me invisible.

Men no longer call me from buildings or cars.

Men no longer try to touch me uninvited.

I like this.

I enjoy my invisibility.

 

I am an invisible woman.

But sometimes people see me.

These people want my humour,

My wisdom, my experience.

These people pay genuine compliments

and give heartfelt invitations.

I like this.

But mostly I am invisible.

 

I am an invisible woman.

I work behind the scenes.

Facilitating others.

The lack-lustre drudge of my life

reflected in the vibrancy of theirs.

But all of this is hidden.

I am mostly invisible.

 

I am an invisible woman.

Sometimes I am screaming inside.

Sometimes I want to be recognised.

Just for a moment

to pull back the veil and be seen.

But mostly I am just invisible.

 

I am an invisible woman.

Sometimes like today people see me.

Sometimes they realise where I am,

who I am, what I do.

They appreciate and value.

I like this.

I like the brief moments when I am seen.

But mostly I remain invisible.

 

 

More poetry

 

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Life | Video

The Saga’s End! (Video)

By on December 24, 2017

I finally got around to making and uploading the final video in my tooth saga! It is exactly 4 weeks since the tooth came out. It has been a rocky old road (because for me, nothing is ever simple), but here is my final video on the matter!

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Life

Menopause, Ageing & Teeth – Part 3 (Video)

By on November 24, 2017
extraction day

Extraction Day

Like Independence Day but Less Fun

So, Spiros, my dentist has wrenched my tooth from my head.  With some difficulty but he got it all and it has been consigned to the dustbin, or more specifically, tooth box of history.  Here’s a video (number 3 of 4) – this time with a special guest star.  Enjoy.

 

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Life

Menopause, Ageing & Teeth – Part 2

By on November 23, 2017
crazy old lady

The Night Before E-Day

I am at the stage where I am no longer worried about feeling old – I just want the pain to stop and to get my life back!

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Life

It Has Got To Go – And That’s The Tooth Of It

By on October 29, 2017
false teeth

 

My tooth has got to go.  This makes me sad, scared and annoyed in equal measure.

I’ve come to terms with my glasses, my grey hair, the fact that I am no longer 25 or even 35….I’d take 45 even at this stage but whilst I know that at some point we are all going to go ‘over the hill’, I had no idea that I would end up hurtling down the other side at such high speed.

The tooth has got to go.  I have come to hate it with a passion.  It could actually have done a pact with the devil or at the very least one of his minor demons.  How else could it torture me for 6 months straight and not have the common decency to drop out of my skull!?

I have tried so hard to ignore the constant nagging pain.  But my fuse is becoming shorter by the minute and that tooth has run out of time.

Of course, the bastard thing is right at the front of my face so it will mean…..dentures.

I am not keen on the idea of dentures.  I am, however, less keen on looking like some kind of redneck, hillbilly gene pool failure so there isn’t much choice unless I can rustle up a spare £3K for an implant.

So I am going to have to put on my big girl pants and go and see my dentist.  (He is handsome and has nice eyes. )  He will then wrench the tooth out of my head. I will go home and cry, bewail my ageing and decrepit body, decide I am a unloveable toothless hag and smash the tooth into a million pieces with a hammer. Then I shall probably get over it, have a glass of red, and start telling jokes about teeth.

 

How I laughed at my Mother’s false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s me they are beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

(Pam Ayres – Oh I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth)

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Life

The Whole Tooth, and nothing but….

By on October 5, 2017

Apparently, as you get older eventually ‘your teeth go’ and of course I now have a dodgy tooth. This tooth has been the bane of my life for the last 5 months. The story of my tooth is reaching War & Peace proportions and it is taking its toll on both my patience and my bank balance.

It started off back in May the day after my arrival in Montreal, Canada. I woke up with an epic toothache and took an emergency appointment at the local dentist – Gallerie Dentaire.  Not only was the dental surgery slap bang in the middle of an art gallery (I kid you not), I have to say it was probably the most awesome dentistry I have ever experienced and it was totally painless (they numb you before the injection, it was awesome!)  It did, however, cost me $360Can and come with the proviso that I’d probably need a root canal.

The pain lessened but did not go away but I put up with it for 3 months.  In September, after a week of ever increasing pain, I cracked and went to the dentist. He redid the filling. A week later, antibiotics for an abscess. A week after that, a root canal. A few weeks further on and more pain. This latest trip involved dealing with a super cheerful dental nurse at 8.30am (which should actually be illegal) and having the tooth underneath filed down to see if that is impacting on the damaged tooth.

So here I am around £400 lighter and still in pain.  I am so thankful for NHS dentistry because heaven knows how much I would have spent by now if I had to go and see a private dentist.

Extraction was mentioned today. It is right at the front of my mouth so I really want to avoid this but part of me wonders how much pain and money my vanity is actually worth and whether or not I should just cut to the chase and get the denture and have done with it.  It just feels like another slide into old age.

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