Life | Social Media

Drama Queens & Tricoteuses

By on March 9, 2018
Drama Queens

Drama QueenThe Drama Queen

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there and done the whole Drama Queen thing.  We all have events happen in life that we don’t like or we can’t control and we all have a need to vent.  We want the world to know!  We want tea and sympathy!  And people to agree with us!

In real life, this is usually self-limiting in terms of both behaviour and reward.  We tell our nearest and dearest, they say ‘there-there’, make tea and serve it with cake and platitudes.  We feel better, we move on.  On social media, however, the role can become rather more problematic both for the Queen and the others around them.

On social media, there are vast numbers of people we can reach out to and although we call them ‘friends’, in reality for most of us they are little more than acquaintances at best, strangers at worst.  By posting on social media we get a huge reward for our dramatic behaviour in terms of quantity – and also sometimes – quality of response.

Sadly, if we already have attention seeking issues and we allow the  Drama Queen to become our default go-to persona every time we go online we can spend our whole life in a state of heightened angst which is perpetuated and encouraged by our so-called ‘friends’.

The other side of this is, of course, the age-old Boy Who Cried Wolf – if our every other post is some catastrophe, offence, or suicide threat, on that one day when we actually need someone everyone is going to roll their eyes and think, ‘more of the same’.

When we are in full Drama Queen mode we are in desperate need of attention; we want people to notice our plight, empathise and be on our side.  At this stage, we are particularly vulnerable to the Tricoteuse.

The Tricoteuse

This person thrives on drama – especially other people’s.  They will be more than happy to give the Drama Queen every ounce of attention he or she may feel they are lacking and keep on coming back for more.  They are often happy to take the moral high ground on just about anything and tell us how right we are and how awful the other person/people is/are.    Sadly, however, they

Tricoteuses
Les Tricoteuses – women who knitted at the guillotine whilst heads rolled

really need some drama in their own life so they will not exactly be giving us the chance to move on.  Instead, expect all sorts of moral indignation and bosom shelving.  They are also more than happy to exacerbate the situation by making ‘helpful’ suggestions of what one should do next, or how they would do this that or the other ‘if that happened to me’.  Of course, they would do no such thing but are quite happy to watch others do so.

Often this may stop short of actually encouraging someone to engage in criminal activity, although I have seen people suggest that someone smashes up a house as an act of revenge, or trash someone’s car.  Whilst revenge may be fun to fantasise over and it might make one feel better in the short term it can also end up in all sorts of trouble that will make the original issue pale by comparison.

Of course, at this stage, the Tricoteuse who is always on our side, will be conspicuous by their absence having moved on to the next, much safer, drama.

Naming and Shaming is one of the key phrases of a Tricoteuse.  Again, we’ve probably all been there, I know I have told people to do this in the past and I do believe that there are circumstances where this could be appropriate (bullying springs to mind).  However, if this is just an act of revenge on our part we should maybe consider how that makes us look, what benefit anyone will gain, will it end up with a visit from the police, and ultimately are we just being guilty of bullying and harassment online?  Remember also that however bad we think someone’s actions are, people have actually killed themselves as a result of being publicly shamed.

This is a strange relationship – the Tricoteuse is not being supportive for altruistic reasons or because they are our friend. He or she is not encouraging us to help us although they might actually believe this to be the case.  In reality, they feel important and involved in something because guess what?  Either they have an empty life or they crave attention almost as much as the Drama Queen.  On top of this for some people, there is an element of schadenfreude:  They are actually getting off on watching you explode.  If they can spread the anger, hate and angst further afield they will and if they can big themselves up in the process and make themselves look good, all the better.  If you believe in vampires, look no further than the habitual tricoteuse.  They will literally feed off your anger and upset until you are sucked dry.

Friends

A friend, online or in real life, may well comment on our drama.  They may well empathise and say how awful something is.  In fact, they may do all of the things we will see in The Tricoteuse.  The difference is that a real friend will not encourage us to break the law or continue to wind us up in order to perpetuate a situation. Often they are attacked by the Tricoteuse for not being supportive enough or perhaps suggesting that they are ‘taking sides’ against us.   A real friend, or even actually a half decent human being, will try their best to calm the waters, and will not offer advice that will land other people in the poop.

 

And finally, if our lives are always filled with unpleasant dramas we should consider that maybe we are the ones bringing it to the table.

 

 

 

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Life

The End of the Affair – Memes

By on February 19, 2018
meme

Memes – why I am just so out of love with them

Memes are the killer of rational thought

I used to love a good meme – they used to make me happy and be full of nice things like kittens doing cute stuff, people being inspirational or just plain funny.  Now memes are full of anger, used to stir up hate and wind people up.

The internet is amazing, it gives us the ability to research all sort of wonderful facts, why then do so many people spend so much time posting up a shed load of absolute bollocks and try to pass it off as fact?

meme
Seems legit

No, the EU is not giving all our money away to people in other countries, no Muslims are not training hamsters to go on suicide missions at the local PetsAtHome.  Seriously, no matter how much you hate the EU, fear Muslims, or hate hamsters, just because someone creates a fancy pants meme that happens to fit into your worldview doesn’t make it true.

Most of the really idiotic memes involve racism, sexism or people whining about what they think other people are getting and they aren’t.  Although just 3 clicks away are the actual facts of the matter for some reason people prefer to believe the worst about just about everyone else on the planet that isn’t them.

Welfare has its share of memes – people banging on about the millions of pounds asylum seekers or illegal immigrants receive in buddha memebenefits, whilst pensioners/army vets or whatever get bugger all.  This did the rounds so many times that the Government even produced a paper refuting this.  If the welfare lifestyle is so fabulous and people are that jealous how come they haven’t quit their job? Because fundamentally they are not stupid and know this is not true.  All they had to do to avoid feeling hours of angry bitterness was count to 10 and then click on hoax slayer or UK Gov and find out.  But no, let’s go off half-cocked and wind everyone (including themselves) up.

Muslims –  Anything really from ‘banning Christmas’, ‘banning easter eggs’, to forcing us to eat Halal food.  All of these are untrue and again a quick internet search could clear that right up before anyone gets all hot under the collar and then shares that feeling to everyone they know online.

Pseudo-Science ‘Woo’ – Memes involving cures for cancer, onions in shoes, various bogus ‘remedies’ (which are almost always promoted by someone with a vested financial interest) circulate almost constantly.  From the anti-vax stuff right up to and including ways to resuscitate yourself by coughing, sniffing a sweaty sock and standing on the roof singing Nearer my God to Thee.  I mean if someone wants to give themselves whipped cream enemas as a preventative treatment for erectile dysfunction who am I to stand in their way?  It won’t work but it gives us all a laugh.  However, some of this stuff is pretty dangerous and could cost someone their life.

So, the meme has lost my affection.  For now at least, until I see the next one with a puppy in it!

 

 

 

 

 

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The End of the Affair – With Facebook

By on September 29, 2017

I used to love Facebook and in a lot of ways, I still do. I love the fact that it keeps me in touch with people I never get to see in real life; people from way back when who I would just lose touch with otherwise. I love the fact that you can use the social sign in to save all the hassle of having to sort out passwords and login information and the fact that you also get to contact and chat with people who otherwise you just wouldn’t interact with at all.  I often organise social gatherings through Facebook, it has a positive influence in my life in so many ways.

Recently, however, I seem to have fallen a little bit out of love.

So many threads now end up in a ridiculous argument or misunderstanding it just seems that interacting with people is becoming a lot more trouble than it is worth.  It is so easy for the typed word to be misunderstood when there is no tone of voice, inflection or body language cues.

I’m not talking about people I actually know in real life because I know a fair few folk who love a good debate on there and are actually mature enough to engage on an intellectual level rather than responding with an emotional knee-jerk reaction.

I try to avoid anything that is obviously controversial but of late even an innocent or humorous comment can lead to the sort of toxic exchange that I really want to avoid.

Too many people seem to hang out on Facebook for one reason only:  To either make it their life’s work to get offended or try to police other peoples interactions.  I literally have zero interest in engaging with this type of individual at all.  When I am forced to do so it always ends badly because I don’t respond well to the sort of passive-aggressive ‘poor me’ BS they like to trade in.

If someone has an issue or issues that cause upset then they need to deal with that, not expect the rest of the universe to tiptoe around the eggshells they have surrounded themselves with.  I hope they can sort that out, I feel for them I really do, but it is actually their problem, not mine or anyone else’s and I refuse to have it made into my problem or be bullied into silence.

And it is actually a form of bullying – disagree by all means, but don’t try to silence someone by making it all about you.   It really isn’t.  You really aren’t that important in the big scheme of things and neither am I.  Give it a few decades and no one will even remember we existed.  That’s perspective 😉

 

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